Katie’s Zombies:

Zombie Tip of the Day: Turn up the Music

I’m surprised I haven’t seen other tips like this. In the episode of the Walking Dead in Season 1 where they are in that traffic jam on the highway, they turn on a car and the emergency broadcast starts playing. If that broadcast is still going, then the tower and station would still have power, most likely renewable. If they could find where this tower and station was then they can set up base there and tap into it’s power or whatever is powering it like a dam, or windmill, or whatever. No need to huddle around candles in a small house in the harsh winter while they could be relaxing in a station with central heating or A/C and send signals to other people, telling them it’s safe where they are. So long to the dark ages and hello to electricity.

Zombie Tip of the day: Be Fit or Be Bit

Paul is a great example of this tip. He wasn’t a very athletic person so he lacked the stamina and speed to get away fast enough. He was barely going faster than his pursuers and was made a delicacy very quickly.

You want to be fit so you can out run either a single zombie or an entire horde. We don’t tire so you have to be able to keep a good pace to avoid being a tasty meal for me and my friends. And being fit will definitely cut down on how much food you intake, saving more for later.

If you can out run us, you have a good chance of out living us.

Zombie Tip of the day: Never go to the John Alone

I cannot begin to tell you how many poor souls I’ve caught with their pants down in a restroom,  porta-potty, in the bushes. You always want to go with a partner, just to make sure me or any other zombies don’t come out of the woods, or under a stall.

This one time, a guy had stopped on the side of the road and I just happened to be wandering the woods at that time. He didn’t bring anyone else from the car with him which was a big mistake. As he was just finishing up his business, I bit down on his neck, guy didn’t know what hit him. He almost killed me and would have if he didn’t pass out from blood loss within a few seconds.

Another time, I ran into a group scavenging for supplies in a super market and one of them had to take a leak. Now this guy did have somebody watch the door, but he wasn’t the most observant. I sneaked up to his partner and got him in the arm as he stood leaning against the wall. When I startled him he fell and cracked his head open on a shelf and got knocked out. I ate him for a while until his buddy came out. He tried to bash my head in with a fire extinguisher but knocked him to the ground and we wrestled, biting him all over, until he lost to much blood and died.

So moral of the story, have a bathroom buddy that is observant.

Trailer Park Zombie James

This undead hunk of white trash, formerly known as James, spends his endless days roaming a small trailer park in the rural part of town. He got off from a late night of trucking goods around to come home to a trailer park full of raging, flesh hungry zombies. He killed some of my kin before was swarmed by his neighbors. Now he hangs out at a gas station, roaming the beer aisles, wishing he could crack open a cold one, one more time.

He needs to stop!

Who the heck does my ex-friend, Survivor Sam, think he is?

Now he’s telling everyone about Mr. Security’s safety products.

I’m really getting upset.

I mean if he keeps this up, everyone will be prepared for the rising zombie apocalypse.

They will all have hidden cameras, door alarms, and zombie repellent.

When I catch Sam, he’s gonna pay!!!!

And, If I can get my one good hand on that Mr. Security guy, I’m gonna bite his leg off.

The last thing I need is for every woman out there to carry one of those wicked cool Hot Pink TASERS.

Those things really mess with what’s left of my brain.

I hate Sam!

Chad the former store clerk

Chad here was minding his own business, stocking the shelves of a little super market on the edge of town when the world went downhill. With some of my friends flooding into the store by the dozen, he dropped the boxes of cereal in his hands and high tailed it out the emergency exit. No more than a block did he get before he was trapped in an alley between a Chinese restaurant and a veterinarians office. Chad’s attacker was a bit full from a business woman he snacked on just a moment ago, so he only nibbled on Chad a bit and left, leaving Chad to turn into one of us in a few hours after curling up in a ball in the Chinese restaurants dumpster, next to the skeleton of a cat.

Me, your hungry neighborhood Zombie

Hello, My name is Tyler. Most commonly known as Tyler the Zombie. I like long walks on the beach, especially when it involves a meal. My favorite meal is the big intestines, not the brains you stereotypical bastards. I’m great with kids, both undead and soon to be. And I REALLY hate this guy named Survivor Sam; he goes around, re-killing my new friends when they’re just trying to make a second living in this man eat man world, that’s all. They didn’t hurt anybody, except his loved ones… and everyone else. Okay, fine, but that wasn’t there fault, blame the virus, not the zombie.

My friend Paul

This is my good friend Paul. In his former life he wasn’t very fit so he didn’t stand much chance against my fellow zombies. He was chased out of a high school football game by a pack of other zombies and within not even half a mile he was caught and was gutted like a deer, plus some. Now-a-days, he spends his time in the second life shambling not far from his turning in the high school parking lot, chasing an animal every now and then, never catching them. Poor Paul, he needs a good living person to fill the hole in his gut, would you care to?

Check out this site…

I have this friend, Survivor Sam, (well he used to be a friend and neighbor until I got bitten by my girlfriend).

He really ticks me off, because he’s faster than me and I can’t catch him to eat his brain.

He posts all sorts of good information for ‘not-quite-zombie’ types like you on his new website.

Check it out – ICanSurviveAnything.com.

He also has a blog, which really irritates me – Survivor Sam Blog.

If he doesn’t stop all the ‘goodie-two-shoes’ educational crap, I won’t have anyone to eat.

If you happen to see him, tackle him, tie him and wait for me to get there.

Deal?

~Zombie Tyler