Damn, that Survivor Sam! There he goes again posting safety tips for people on vacation. Well, what about zombies on vacation? We like to travel, too, although it’s a little difficult for some of us. Sometimes the TSA asks us to put our spare body parts in our travel luggage. That’s a real pain (if I could still feel pain).
When I vacation, I still enjoy a good meal, but not at the restaurants like the rest of you. People tend to get upset and lose their appetite when I bite into somebody’s arm at the table. Then I get thrown out. It’s really pretty rude to kick me out before I’ve finished eating someone. Just more fuel for the fire in my zombie discrimination law suit.
Anyways…here’s some tip for taking your family on vacation, so I can get a decent meal when I travel.
- Make sure you have your headphones plugged in and the volume all the way up when you tour the city. That way you won’t hear me when stagger up from behind you.
- Spend all your time texting and talking on the phone so you’re distracted and you won’t notice me crawling along the sidewalk before I grab your leg.
- Pay no attention when I photo bomb your selfies.
- Get a good tan. Dark meat is juicer and I like it when the skin crunches. Not too much lotion. I have to watch my figure.
- And, for Pete’s sake, don’t train at Matt Randall’s Black Belt Academy. He teaches all sorts of stuff that will give you too many skills and I don’t like to work too hard for my meals. His students are the hardest for me to catch. He’s a real pain in the butt.
Have a great time on vacation, and remember that zombies have to eat, too.
Tyler the Zombie