I’m having my neighbors for Thanksgiving this year.
They don’t know it yet, but they’re on the menu. White meat, dark meat, it all tastes like turkey to me.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Stop by my place for a bite.
I’m having my neighbors for Thanksgiving this year.
They don’t know it yet, but they’re on the menu. White meat, dark meat, it all tastes like turkey to me.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Stop by my place for a bite.
Tips On How To Buy The Right Costume
Ok, so all of you folks who think that zombie costumes are cool for Halloween need to realize what that does to me and my friends who are real zombies. It’s confuses the heck out of us! How am I supposed to tell what is good living flesh to eat and what might be a fellow undead? Can you please dress your kids in princess and Star Wars costumes this year?
Tips On How To Buy The Right Costume
By Idd Aziz
Are you planning of buying a costume for an upcoming event? You need to consider a number of tips. Here are some of the tips that you should consider:
Experts recommend that you should always buy your costume early enough. This is to give you ample time to exchange or fix any flaws it might have before the big event. You should note that costumes come in limited sizes and are sold in specific stores; therefore, you can’t run into any store and get out with a costume.
If you are unsure of the right size for you, you should always order a costume that is a size larger.
Buy With A Return Option
A return policy allows you to return your costume in the event that you don’t like it. If you are unsure of the right costume to go for, you should consider buying from stores with a return policy.
You should note that different stores have different return policies. For example, there are some that require you to pay a restocking fee while others don’t. Most stores will require you to meet the shipping costs. To be on the safe side, you should carefully read the return policies before hitting the buy button.
Go For Used Costumes
Are you planning of attending a party, but are operating on a tight budget? You should consider buying a used costume. The cool thing is that there are many online and offline stores that sell used costumes. When making the purchase you should ensure that the costumes aren’t overly-used.
Buy The Right Accessories
The right accessories greatly determine the look of the costume. For your costume to look like a real costume you should ensure that you use the right accessories. For example, if you have a pirate costume, you should ensure that you have the right sword. If on the other hand you are buying a witch costume, you should buy the right fairy wand or witch’s broom.
Types of costumes
There are many types of costumes that you can buy. The most common ones being:
Religious: are you a religious person? You should go for a religious costume. There are many types of these costumes that you can go for. For example, you can go for a Virgin Mary, Joseph, pharaoh, three wise men, roman solider costume or any other religious person that you like.
Ninja: everything in a ninja costume is black. This includes: pants, top, socks, shoes, gloves, mask and sash. As a ninja you should have a weapon which can be a sword, dagger, start, garrotte, and nun-chuck.
Zombie: zombie costumes are ideal for Halloween parties. The cool thing with these costumes is that you can wear almost anything. For example, you can wear your regular clothes or a suit. All you need to do is to get the clothes a little dirty and tear them in order to give them a grave look.
In addition to dressing in torn clothes, you also need to paint yourself. Some of the colours that you can use are red and green.
These are tips on how to buy the right costume. As rule of thumb you should ensure that you buy from a well-known and reputable store. This calls for you to do your research and identify the best store to buy from. If you don’t have money to buy an already made costume, you should consider making the costume at home. Here you only need to buy the necessary materials.
We sell many types of party costumes such as Halloween Party Dress. We also have Lycra spandex Zentai Suit and many others.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Idd_Aziz
Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse – The Definitive Guide (NOT)
Tyler’s Note: This guy really bothers me. I’m contacting my attorney to see what he has to say about this. I mean encouraging you meat bags to get creative in how you kill zombies…well…that’s just rude and I’m sure it violates my rights some how. As soon as I can find my other leg, I’m going to hobble over there and have a chat. And, that Matt Randall guy is ticking me off, too. I hear he’s been teaching his students zombie killing skills again. I would say that I’m going to give him a piece of my mind, but I really want eat a piece of his.
By Scott C Storvik
Do you have what it takes to survive in a world that has been overrun with ravenous, flesh-eating zombies? Do you have the intestinal fortitude required to swing the axe or pull the trigger so that you can preserve your rightful place at the top of the food chain and keep the world from being completely engulfed in a full on Zombie Apocalypse? I bet you probably don’t. Well, these are a few tips to help you survive at least a week or two.
This is probably the most important when it comes to surviving the Zombie Plague. Maintaining good health will keep you alive and in a positive frame of mind. It will keep you focused on the task at hand, which is the complete and utter destruction of the vast zombie hoards that will spring up seemingly out of nowhere in the next 5 to 10 years. Here are a few points to ponder for your over-all health:
• Eat plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables. Zombies hate the taste of fresh vegetables in human flesh. Vegetables and fruit are completely the opposite of what zombies want in there diet. They want MEAT, and that is why they are chasing you in the first place.
• Keep your cardio and stamina at peak levels. Contrary to what you may have seen in horror movies, zombies can move impossibly fast. You would think that when you break it’s legs it would slow it down, but that is not the case. You see, because zombies are, for all intents and purposes, dead, they feel no pain. Breaking the appendages of zombies only makes them angrier and hungrier, and when they get hungry, they want meat (see first point). So they are going to chase you until they get you or something else that is equally meaty. Your friend perhaps? So, you want to keep your cardio up by constant exercise, and jogging. If you have access to a treadmill, all the better.
• Drink your milk. Strong bones are a crucial element to zombie survival. With strong bones you can take the bumps that inevitably come with running from a pack of zombies. If you happen to trip, and roll helplessly down a hill, you stand less of a chance of breaking a vital bone, thereby making yourself an easy target for zombies.
When it comes to a zombie apocalypse, you need to keep one thing in mind: kill or be killed. Zombies are mindless killing machines that will stop at nothing to feed there eternal hunger. You would also be wise to keep in mind that biting you is there way to propagate the species, so…
• Don’t be afraid to fire! Keep in mind, the zombies sole intention is eating. It has nothing else to offer society but consumption, so if you have the chance at the shot, take it. There are no bad shots if you hit him, just make sure that they are dead. (see next point)
• Shoot Twice. Zombies can only be destroyed be separating there heads from there bodies, or by destroying whatever brain they have left. If the zombie down, carefully and cautiously approach the fallen zombie, place your 12 gauge to its ugly head and pull the trigger. That will end the zombie once and for all.
• Have some style! Creativity is not important in zombie survival, but it sure helps to kill the boredom. You can only kill a zombie in so many ways before tire of the same old thing. Mix it up a bit. Set some traps, use different calibers, rely on your training from Road Runner cartoons, try to make it Fun!
These are just a few points to ponder for the next few years. It will come. Zombies are already here, they are just not hungry yet. But when they do become hungry, you will be ready.
*This is a work of fiction cleverly disguised as a self-help guide. Zombies don’t exist, and I don’t endorse the flagrant firearms violations depicted in my story. If I have offended anyone, well, whatever.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Scott_C_Storvik
10 Must Have Herbs For Zombie Survival
Tyler’s note: If you find yourself alone in the woods during the zombie apocalypse, use these herbs to keep yourself healthy until I arrive. I like my meat fresh, not gamey and rotten. Just saying…don’t judge me.
By Sean Fay
First aid and medical supplies are a cornerstone of any zombie survival plan. Without care, even minor injuries and infections can become dangerous, even life-threatening. Herbal medicine is humanity’s oldest form of medicine and is perfectly suited for survival outside of civilization. Nature provides us with a great many tools for caring for ourselves. A well stocked herbal first aid kit, and the knowledge to use it properly, can be an invaluable addition to any zombie planner’s preparations.
First, we’ll address 5 herbal products that any survivor would want to have on hand. These herbs, oils, and extracts are chosen because of their shelf life, versatility, and potency. They can all be stored for extended periods of time, treat a wide variety of health issues, and are small and light enough to carry without strain.
Essential oil of Oregano (Origanum vulgare) is a potent anti-septic. A single drop on a bandage can prevent infection in an open wound. Diluted in water it makes an excellent mouthwash or hand sanitizer. Taken internally, Oregano oil will combat bacteria and viruses, supporting your immune system whenever an infection is present. Essential oils have an excellent shelf life, and are used in very small quantities. A single 1oz bottle of Oregano oil takes up minimal space in a bag or pack, and can provide hundreds of doses.
Echinacea Goldenseal Tincture
Tinctures are extracts of herbs in an alcohol base, providing a long shelf life and excellent bio-availability. The combination of Echinacea and Goldenseal creates a powerful immune-supporting and bacteria fighting blend. Take internally to fight fevers and infections of all varieties, or use topically to sterilize injuries or implements.
Osha root (Ligusticum porteri) creates a powerful action on the lungs, clearing up coughs and bronchial infections. Osha can also be used to reduce the effects of altitude sickness, and improve oxygenation of the blood. Topically, the tincture can be applied to spider and insect bites, including the dangerous brown recluse. Combined with the next herb on our list, Osha can even benefit aerobic endurance.
Guarana powder (Paullinia cupana) is a strong source of natural caffeine. Traveling long distances or staying awake for extended periods of time can drain a person of valuable energy-leaving them vulnerable. As a natural stimulant, Guarana can provide a critical boost when you need it most. Guarana powder, when kept dry, will maintain its potency for a very long time.
Even with the boost from Guarana, survivors will eventually need to sleep, but stress and adrenaline can make this a challenge. Valerian (Valeriana officinalis) tincture is a famous natural sleep aid and muscle relaxant, soothing to agitated minds and strained, sore, muscles.
In addition to a basic supply of herbal preparations, many valuable medicinal and edible herbs are available in the wild. Please note, that consuming wild plants can be quite hazardous, unless you can be absolutely certain of the identity of the plant. This list contains some common and easily identified herbs with excellent nutritional and medicinal benefits. However, this information cannot replace proper experience and knowledge when identifying wild plants.
The first of our wild medicinal herbs is the Dandelion (Taraxacum officinale), one of the most under appreciated plants in our society. The leaves and roots are completely edible, packed with vitamins and minerals, beneficial to the liver, and quite palatable. You have likely eaten Dandelion greens before, possibly without realizing, as it is a common salad green in restaurant and grocery store spring mixes. The flowers can be used to flavor beverages, including homemade wine.
Red Clover (Trifolium pratense) is a very common ground cover in the United States. It grows wild in yards, and is planted as a nitrogen-fixer in agricultural fields. The tea of Red Clover can be used to cool the body temperature in hot weather, or to break a fever. Add to your Dandelion greens for some protein rich variety to your wild crafted salad or tea.
Cuts, scrapes, and possibly more serious wound, will inevitably occur in a survival situation. The two most important first aid steps are to stop the bleeding, and prevent infection. Yarrow flowers (Achillea millefolium) applied directly to a wound will slow and stop bleeding. Then follow with an anti-septics from the first part of the list. Yarrow tea can dry up fluid retention and mucus inside the body during colds and flus. That same Yarrow tea can be sprayed on the skin as an insect repellent. Yarrow is not as easily identified as Dandelion and Red Clover, due to its similarity to poison Hemlock, but an experienced herbalist or woodsman can learn to spot the difference.
Mullein (Verbascum thapsus) is common sight along highways and in fields. The flowers can be made into an excellent expectorant tea, and can help to break up coughs and sinus congestion. This tall plant can also be dried, soaked with a small amount of oil, and used as a torch to carry fire or light the way. Do not eat mullein, as the plant material is irritating to the skin, mouth, and intestines. The large leaves can be used as “toilet paper”
Black Elderberry ( Sambucus nigra) is the fruit of the Elder shrub, which can grow well over ten feet in the wild. In addition to a source of nutrition, Elderberry is a valuable immune system support. Eat the berries, or cook them down into a syrup to concentrate their immune boosting properties. Elderberries make a rich and flavorful fruit base for wine. The flowers can also be used to make a restorative tea. An important caution: do not eat or steep the leaves! Elder leaves, especially young leaves, contain alkaloids which can cause nausea, dizziness, and other symptoms.
Without the benefits of modern civilization, survivors of a zombie attack will be forced to turn once again to the natural foods and medicines they find around them. Fortunately, these plant medicines can be easily acquired in many areas, and can have powerful healing proper for those who know how to use them. Learn your local plants, and you will never be deprived of food or medicine, even in the most dire of zombie-related crises. Good luck out there!
Written by Sean Fay
If you want to know more about these herbs and more please visit:
Phoenix Herb Company
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Sean_Fay
Damn, that Survivor Sam! There he goes again posting safety tips for people on vacation. Well, what about zombies on vacation? We like to travel, too, although it’s a little difficult for some of us. Sometimes the TSA asks us to put our spare body parts in our travel luggage. That’s a real pain (if I could still feel pain).
When I vacation, I still enjoy a good meal, but not at the restaurants like the rest of you. People tend to get upset and lose their appetite when I bite into somebody’s arm at the table. Then I get thrown out. It’s really pretty rude to kick me out before I’ve finished eating someone. Just more fuel for the fire in my zombie discrimination law suit.
Anyways…here’s some tip for taking your family on vacation, so I can get a decent meal when I travel.
Have a great time on vacation, and remember that zombies have to eat, too.
Tyler the Zombie
Achilles’ Heel: Theories of Possible Zombie Weaknesses
Achilles’ Heel: Theories of Possible Zombie Weaknesses
By Steven Mosley
So what is a Zombie? There are usually two definitions that are agreed upon by most experts. One: a Zombie is a dead human that has been reanimated to a state between life and death and its only function in life is to eat other human flesh. Two: a Zombie is a human in a death-like state, who is stripped of all human cognition, will and all other mental or spiritual faculties. It really does not matter which definition you subscribe to–what truly matters is how to capitalize on a Zombie’s possible weaknesses for the sole purpose of dispatching the creature.
Based on what is known about Zombies, the mainstream thought is that a Zombie’s only true weakness is the BRAIN. I cannot disagree with this assessment. If one causes major trauma to the brain, one will destroy the Zombie. The main concern should be to cause “severe” traumatic brain injury (TBI). A penetrating or closed (blunt) blow to the head can achieve this, and it matters not which method is used to dispatch the Zombie. The deliver the most effective strike, one should aim at the temple, the bridge of nose/eyes, or the base of the skull. Hitting one of these areas with brutal force will help ensure maximum damage. It should be noted that there are many different types of weapons that can cause TBI, and they include firearms or other projectile-style weapons, blunt or cutting implements, and/or puncturing weapons. The bottom line is this: destroying the brain destroys the Zombie.
In addition to directly destroying the brain with any of the aforementioned implements, there are additional weaknesses upon which one can capitalize: possible intermediary measures leading towards the end goal of Zombie destruction. Consider the following.
A Zombie’s eyes: in the extremely interesting paper entitled Madore’s Zombie War Doctrine, the two brothers, David and Robert, describe the blinding of a Zombie as a serious alternative to attempting a very difficult headshot with a firearm. Based on my three decades of firearms experience, I have to agree that headshots are extremely difficult, and blinding a target would seem to be much easier. According the Madore Brothers, Zombies first perceive the human shape with their eyes, and then due to the excessive production of Rhodopsin in their eyes, Zombies utilize their “infra-red heat vision” to sense the human heat signature. It stands to reason that destruction of the Zombie’s ability to see can effectively keep them from locating human prey. Nevertheless, one must keep in mind that though its ability to find human prey has been effectively shut down, without destroying the Zombie brain, it still possesses the ability to hone in on and relay other Zombies’ prey alert signals. In other words, it can continue to attract other Zombies to an area, so the Zombie must ultimately be killed as quickly as possible.
This blinding tactic can be accomplished using either a Destructive or Obstructive method. For example, destruction could be accomplished through shotgun pellets, a crossbow arrow or a pistol bullet to the eye. A simple obstructive method could be paint pellets from a paint ball gun– I particularly like this idea. Shoot the Zombie in the eyes to blind it, and then destroy its brain with some type of impact weapon; my personal preference is a Kukri knife. I believe actual field testing needs to be conducted on this new Zombie war doctrine, but I must say that based on my training experience, it can work.
Another potential weakness to exploit is the Zombie’s single-mindedness. As we all know, Zombies eat human flesh. It is all they desire. Their inability to think or do anything else can certainly be used against them. Once a Zombie pinpoints on a human, that Zombie will not stop until it reaches that prey, finds another prey, or erodes. Of course its prey alert signal will attract additional Zombies to the same location. One killing strategy could be setting up either a booby trap or an ambush for a group of Zombies. Drawing one Zombie into the trap and allowing others to follow suit could lead a sizeable horde to destruction. This is a very simple tactic that could yield a high-kill ratio.
Two additional potential weaknesses that I will mention are the act of breaking a Zombie’s jaw and cutting a Zombie’s Achilles tendon. The former affects its ability to bite, and the latter hinders its ability to move. It is my personal opinion that breaking the jaw is a waste of time. If one is going to strike the jaw area, why not just strike the entire head and achieve the ultimate desired effect of permanent brain injury? Although it requires some accuracy, the Achilles tendon, on the other hand, could be used with effectiveness. When facing multiple threats, if one can navigate towards the back of the threat, one could possibly sever the Achilles tendon. This would affect the Zombie’s mobility and afford time to regroup and destroy it at a later time. Please remember: neither of these actions will terminate a Zombie. They may slow Zombie progress, but brain trauma is the sure thing!
In the interest of fighting and destroying the menacing Zombie population, I hope that I have given you some food for thought. Unlike fully-functioning human beings, Zombies do not have many weaknesses. However, the weaknesses they do possess can be effectively exploited by adept and motivated individuals who possess proper weapons training and a winning mindset. The key is to hit first, hit fast and hit forcefully. I cannot over-emphasize that brain trauma is the sure thing for Zombie destruction. All the other weaknesses discussed are just a means to the coup de grâce!
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Steven_Mosley
Zombies and Syphilis – A Myth to Explain a Disease?
Zombies and Syphilis – A Myth to Explain a Disease?
Zombies have long been a fascination for Americans. From Night of the Living Dead to the Walking Dead to Dawn of the Dead, to Jane Austen and Zombies to Zombie Apocalypse, the zombie subculture is “alive” and kicking it in the millennium. Zombies have infiltrated everything from films to books to video games, cocktails, cartoons, and bands. Every October, Zombie Crawls are celebrated as people dress up as zombies in order to shuffle and stagger their way from bar to bar to drink zombies. This zombie phenomenon is not limited to Halloween. This spring, a 5K charity run is scheduled in which the runners have the added incentive to cross the finish line quickly as they will be chased by-you guessed it-zombies.
Zombies are believed to have originated in the Haitian African-American culture. Fueled by macabre voodoo rituals, dark magic revived the dead to do the bidding of those who summoned them. These walking corpses shambled forward with a stilted gait. Flesh rotted away from their bodies, and their minds could no longer formulate rational thought.
What does any of this have to do with sexually transmitted diseases? Good question. The answer may surprise you.
In 1492, Europeans brought small pox, bubonic plague, venereal disease, and religion to the New World. The New World returned the favor with syphilis.
Late stage, tertiary syphilis is syphilis that has not been treated. Spirochetes are wormlike microscopic organisms. Over the course of the disease, they multiply to the millions and lodge in most of the major organs including the brain. The human body becomes stooped and rapidly ages. Symptoms of late-stage syphilis include a jerky, stumbling step, large oozing sores, loss of tissue such as the end of the nose, and moments of euphoria followed by rage. In other words, late-stage syphilitics and zombies share many of the same traits.
Zombies originated in the New World as did syphilis. Myths develop in order to explain the otherwise unexplainable. In this instance, the zombie myth developed in order to explain syphilis, an incurable and deadly disease in pre-penicillin days. While syphilis is now treatable, it took more than 450 years to find a cure.
While the zombie myth may have arose as a way to explain a sickness, modern culture has embraced zombies. Michael Jackson’s,Thriller video of dancing zombies, remains the number one best-selling album of all time in the United States. In 2010, Asbury Park, New Jersey set the Guinness’ World Record Zombie Walk with an official 4,093 participants.
There are many ways to get an STD, and if you get one, find a location for STD Testing in Philadelphia.
It’s been a while since I’ve posted in the blog, but I saw the post from Matt Randall’s Black Belt Academy about their yard sale today and couldn’t resist.
I love to go to yard sales. Often there are such interesting items and I have a passion for antiques, mainly because the older people are slower and easier to catch when I’m hungry.
Sometimes, though, I just want a small snack and I’ll ask how much the kids are going for. Why do people look at me so strangely when I ask? They advertise ‘everything must go’??? If you aren’t selling the children, why are they there? Is that just to tease my grumbling stomach? And, when I ask a simple question, please don’t throw things at me and threaten to call the cops. Some people can be so rude.
Last summer at a garage sale I tried to buy a 10 year old girl for lunch and a lady threw a toaster at me. When I put my hand up to block, it ripped off my middle finger. I still keep it in my pocket so I can pull it out and stick it up at people as I’m leaving.
So far, still no luck on the Zombie Anti-Discrimination Act I sent to Congress. And, my congressman hasn’t even replied. Looks like he won’t get my vote next session. And, at the voting booth they keep trying to tell me I can’t vote because I’m dead. I try to explain that i’m ‘undead’, but they don’t care. Just another reason we need that legislation passed. Please write your congressman and ask them to pass my bill. Thanks.
Emergency Survival Tips – Get Prepared for a Zombie Attack
By Josh Hewett
Whether or not you believe there will be an actual Zombie Apocalypse, being prepared will only increase your chances of surviving any number of other potentially life-threatening events. With increasing incidents of natural disasters, disease, social unrest, drug use, vaccinations, immunizations, genetically modified foods, chemical additives, power shortages, violent crime, and TV reality shows, it seems to me that it will only be a matter of time before we face a massive crisis of some kind.
In the end, when the ZA arrives, the zombies won’t give a sh*t if you believe in them or not! You’re either prepared, or you’re zombie food. The first step to being prepared is to know your enemy.
What are Zombies?
Zombies were people just like you and me, but who have somehow become transformed into mindless flesh-eating creatures. There are many theories of what zombies are, or what kind of zombies we will have the pleasure of dealing with at the next out-break, but history has given us some clues.
The first official record of “undead zombies” was in November of 2000, and was caused by the mutated cross-gene virus known as (nvCJD/BF) Bird flu / CJD. New variant Creutzfeldt – Jakob disease. Apparently, this virus evolved from a cross-mutation of the mad cow virus and the bird flu, and began infecting humans throughout the United Kingdom. Victims would essentially “die” after being infected with this virus, and their corpses would become reanimated as aggressive, hungry zombies. Although widely reported at the time, this zombie scourge was kept a secret by certain government and military intelligence agencies, and the media and witnesses were silenced.
There have been other reports of massive zombie outbreaks due to radiation poisoning, military experimentation with biological weapons, consumption of certain drug or chemical agents, and other viral infections. In almost all cases there was a government cover-up involved. In most cases the victims become violently ill within hours before falling into a deep coma, only to awaken as “zombies”. Although physical and mental ability may vary depending on the cause of the “infection”, a zombie typically loses the capacity for higher level functioning, and acts on basic brain-stem impulses, including:
• Feeding and hunger
• Other Autonomic Functions
So although some zombies may move faster than others, typically as the zombification process progresses the zombie will become slower and lose agility / mobility. Fortunately this makes them easier to escape than an average human predator. However, be aware that zombies don’t get tired or feel pain, they often travel in packs, and they will attack with animal-like ferocity. They are also difficult to kill as most organs have ceased functioning and they are driven by primal impulses from their brain-stem carried through the body’s nervous system. The only proven way to destroy a zombie is to destroy their brain.
How to Survive a Zombie Attack
There are a number of considerations to increase your chances of surviving an attack from a zombie horde, including shelter, food and supplies, weapons, team-building, and training. There are a number of other resources available which discuss weapons and supplies more in-depth, so for the sake of efficiency we will only briefly review them. The focus of this report will be on your training.
Chances are at some point you will come face to face with a zombie. Weaponry is important, but your most valuable asset is your own body. This is when the saying “survival of the fittest” takes on literal significance. Everything else being equal, those with greater strength, fitness, and mental toughness will survive the longest. To stay physically ready for such an event requires adherence to an effective training and nutrition plan. To get you started on the right track, this article will describe 4 Survival Exercises to begin incorporating into your current workouts.
Even if you’re well-armed, the time will come when you will need to be able to run, jump, climb, fight, and crawl in order to survive a zombie attack. This will require strength, stamina, and power. These four exercises are a great start to developing these attributes.
This is an explosive lower body exercise that can help you jump up onto, or over, obstacles that zombies will not be able to navigate. Box jumps and jump squats also have a carry-over into other movements, such as Muscle-Ups. To get over a high fence or to get on top of a shed, balcony, or garage, you may first need to be able to jump up to get a hold on top before you can pull yourself up and onto it.
Progressively increase the height of the box or platform you can jump up onto, and remember that the box jump involves your full body; lean forward before you jump and extend your entire body powerfully as you jump, while incorporating a dynamic arm swing.
Tire Hammer Slams
There are several variations of sledgehammer tire slams, but the same basic principles are involved. Use a rotational swing as you come down, back, and around the body with the hammer. Extend at the top of the swing, then flex your entire body forward into the swing (depending on which direction you’re swinging). Work with the hammer, rather than fighting it… momentum is your friend here. Also practice swinging from both sides, and with just one arm… you need to be prepared if you end up losing an arm to one of these beasts.
Similar technique applies to other weapons such as baseball bats, golf clubs, axes, steel bars, etc. Learn to use what you have available to you in your immediate surroundings.
HIIT and Sprint Work
To escape zombies a certain level of conditioning is necessary, but long, slow cardiovascular exercise is a waste of time. Zombies don’t get tired. Being able to jog long distances is especially useless when confronted by a horde of zombies. You need speed and agility to escape in these situations. You better be able to run fast, then pace yourself as needed, and then back into a sprint without fatiguing.
The key is to employ High Intensity Interval Training and sprint work. Your interval training / sprint workouts should not last longer than 20 minutes.
Muscle Ups and Progressions
The muscle up is a challenging upper body exercise that is usually performed explosively, however, advanced trainees are able to execute this movement with slow control as well. Once you develop the strength, power, and skill to do several muscle ups, you should have the ability to pull yourself up onto or over barriers, fences, and high obstacles. Quickly climbing ropes, ladders, and trees will become much easier as well.
Because the muscle up is such a difficult exercise to master, it will take some time to progressively work up to it.
If you consistently train these four exercises you will be far more likely to survive the zombie plague. However, these are just scratching the surface… to be turn yourself into a zombie-killing machine, and to become a true survivalist, you will need to follow a well-designed training program that includes “functional” exercises that have a high degree of carry-over to real life activities.
Your training program should include body weight training (ie: calisthenics-type exercises), implement training (ie: strongman-style ‘odd-implement’ training), and free weight exercises (ie: barbells and dumbbells). The exercise selection should be focused on compound, multi-joint movements, and should include some speed, power, and explosiveness training as well.
Shelter and Fortification
If you’re trapped at home when the Z-Day arrives, fortify your house as much as possible as quickly as possible. Remove the room doors on the inside of your house, and nail them over the main floor windows. Wedge chairs under the door handles of the outside doors and move heavy furniture and appliances in front of any possible points of entry. Turn off all lights (if you still have electricity) and stay as quiet as possible after that. Gather as much food, water and potential weaponry as possible to the most secure location in your house and wait.
If and when you are able, it is best to get out of any major city or heavily populated area, and find a secure location in a more isolated lodging outside of town. If you can’t get out of the city, look for a big department store such as Walmart or Costco. These typically have fewer entrances to barricade compared to a mall, and they will have an ample amount of food and supplies. This is a longer term solution, but the ultimate goal is to get out of any heavily populated area.
Failing to prepare is preparing to fail. Put together a zombie survival kit in advance, and you won’t be running around an infested city trying to gather supplies! There are a number of sites that sell pre-prepared survival packs, but you can easily make your own.
You can also find prepared lists of supplies posted by other survivalists on Amazon.com.
In addition, stock up as much bottled water, canned food, and dried goods as possible to keep you well-fed as you sit out the first few weeks of the apocalypse. This is just a smart thing to do in preparation for black-outs, natural disasters, food shortages, or economic collapse.
Firearms are obviously the best weapons to have on hand when the zombies stumble into your town, but there are some practicalities to consider. First of all, how easy is it for you to purchase a gun where you live? If you reside in a more right-leaning state in the USA you shouldn’t have any issue picking up the firearm of your choice. If you are a member of any street gang worth it’s rep, I’m sure you’ll be able to arm yourself as well.
It is best to own at least one long range (ie: rifle) and one short range weapon (ie: shotgun or pistol). Then you need to consider licencing your weapon (usually) and learning how to use it properly. Given that you need a direct head-shot to kill a zombie, you will need to spend some time with target practice on the gun range. Simply owning a gun does not make you an expert marksman. Get prepared now. Of course, after the Day of the Dead arrives, anything goes! Loot and steal as many weapons and supplies as possible. The more epic the weapon the better… if you happen across a jeep-mounted machine gun (ala Rambo), grab it and have fun blowing the undead to bits!
Another limitation to consider with firearms is that you will likely run out of bullets before you run out of zombies to kill. Another solid alternative is a crossbow, because you can potentially re-use the arrows if you are able to retrieve them. However, this requires even more training than using a gun, and you can still run out of arrows. In any case it is wise to have several other melee weapons on hand such as a baseball bat, sledgehammer, axes, a shovel, crowbar, long blade knives,and a machete or sword if you can find one.
As mentioned earlier, you will also need to be ready to use any random objects around you as weapons if need be.
Another key to survival is effective team building. This is part of the reason we assembled Team Barbarian. Ideally you can draw from a pool of friends with different skill-sets and backgrounds, such as medical, military, a chef, an engineer, a mechanic, a science buff, etc. You might also want to become buddies with that crazy guy down the block… you know the one; the ex-military red-neck survivalist who keeps stockpiles of canned food and weapons in his basement bunker.
When gathering supplies, travel in groups of at least 2 or 3 people… and preferably make sure you are always grouped up with someone who is a bit out of shape and slower than you. This ensures that he will be eaten before you if zombies take chase, which can buy you some valuable time.
Finally, remember that if you’re best friend gets bitten, blow his head off or crush his skull right away! Don’t be stupid.
We hope this special report will help you live through an attack of the living dead. Train Smart and Stay Strong.
Josh Hewett is the founder of Team Barbarian, a group dedicated to serious, real-life strength and conditioning training methods. Watch his short video demonstrating the four exercises for surviving a zombie attack.
How would you like to become a zombie like me?
Check out my before and after photos.
As you can obviously see, I was once a living, breathing human (and, quite handsome I do say) just like you, until one day when I was bitten by another zombie. That’s a story for another post.
You can be a zombie, too.
There are two ways:
1. You can give me your address and a I will come over and chew on your arm, leg, face, or whatever looks tasty.
2. Or, you can send me your photo (headshot only) and I will turn it into a professional zombie photo for you.
My services aren’t free, though. Even zombies have to make a living somehow. Since they won’t let me work at Wal-Mart, I have to survive on internet sales. (Discrimination lawsuit is pending)
For just $20 I will:
For another $10 I will write a short zombie story about you and include you as one of my friends in the blog.
Here’s how it works:
Purchase your items securely through Paypal by using the link below:
ZOMBIE HEADSHOT ONLY – $20
When your payment is received, I will send you a link to submit your photo.
Please make sure that you make your payment using the email address you want me to send the link to (like DUH!).
Welcome to my zombie family and thank you for your support,